This Product is Made for Dancing and Health -care

Tuesday, September 9, 2003

We bought a game for our computer: Dance Dance Revolution. For those unfamiliar, this is a Japanese game where you jump around on a big game pad — a pad designed to be jumped around on — and try to match the pattern of steps appearing on screen while loud Asian dance music tries to distract you. Now, I’m not a dancer, nor am I into being distracted by loud Asian dance music. But I do like patterns. I spent my formative years perfecting my Tetris technique — which, by the way, would be an interesting game to play with this dance pad. Anyway, I like patterns, and I need exercise, so this seemed like a fun thing to try. And it is.

The dance pad came with an added bonus: Instructions obviously translated from Japanese! No offense to anyone — anytime one language is translated into another, hilarity ensues. I shudder to think what some English instructions I’ve read would mean translated into Japanese. Anyway, I thought I would share a few of the better warnings with you:

  • Forbidden to use this product if your feet are seriously injured. Stop immediately If there is abnormal phenomenon in you foot, waist and back when using it. In fact, it’s best to stay in bed if your feet are haunted.
  • Make sure to pave the cusion. That is the one piece of advice my mother gave me that I will never forget. Or understand.
  • Don not put it near the furniture and other odds and ends. If your name is not Don, it doesn’t matter.
  • Young children must be guided to use it or need parents and teaches to accompany, in case to be tumbled by it. This ones important. I went three rounds with the thing and it pinned me twice.
  • High technology product, do not apart, separate or fix it anyway. Or the damage can not be guaranteed. Most of the products I buy absolutely guarantee damage.
  • Do not keep it in the quite high or low temperature environment, especially far away from fireplace. Because, as we all know, the farther away from a fireplace one gets, the more extreme the temperature.
  • If this product can’t work well, please connect with your supplier directly. I would be very impressed if my supplier had a USB port.
  • This product is made for indoor games only. Do not use it outdoors or in other occasion. If you’re not indoors or outdoors, where are you exactly? And is that really a place to be playing any kind of game?
  • Do not wear sharp shoes when using it, that may cause damage to the product. Best to leave those shoes with the retractable six-inch blade in the closet.
  • Strong jump or shake may cause influence to the video and audio output. I thought this was the whole point!
  • Please do not jump strongly, that may bring troubles to the other person. Especially if you are standing on them at the time.