Goats Are Held to a Higher Standard

I’d like to talk for a minute to the goats out there.

You know who you are.

Yours is a long and storied history. For thousands of years goats have stood on snow-covered mountains, died as sacrifices to a variety of gods, and suffered the petting of sticky-handed children. Too often you’re the butt of jokes. Bad jokes. Stupid butting puns, for example.

Yet, despite the indignites you have endured, you could always hold your head high. You could be proud knowing that your kind has a tradition of exemplary service in militaries throughout the world.

That’s why this news item is so disheartening:

A British army regiment’s ceremonial pet goat was demoted in disgrace after it marched out of line before a host of dignitaries during a parade to mark Queen Elizabeth II’s birthday…

How are we suppose to restore the good name of goats when things like this happen? And now poor Billy must live with his disgrace:

Since the goat’s demotion, soldiers of a lower rank are no longer expected to salute Billy as a sign of respect…

Let this be a lesson to goats everywhere: Always be on your hooves. You can’t afford to make a mistake. Let’s hope that Billy overcomes the public humiliation — bucks up, if you will — and re-earns his former rank.

Billy, be a hero. You have a tall mountain to climb, kid, but you can do it.